If you are a woman that has struggled with health issues and you’ve gone to doctor after doctor, you have probably heard this phrase, “It’s all in your head”.
If you haven’t heard that one, you’ve at least heard some version of this statement, “Your labs are fine, come back in six months” or “Maybe you are depressed and that is causing your pain.” Or, “I have no idea what is going on and maybe you just need to stop being so stressed.” I am positive you have heard something of the sort.
As a female struggling with unexplained health issues, I have been told all sorts of things by doctors. Almost 30 years have passed since I first started having those weird symptoms.
At first there were random, odd pains here and there.
Nothing that kept me from wearing high heels and living a great life. A little later on, I started having more pains and more weird symptoms. I remember during my 3rd year in Taipei, Taiwan, I was walking down the bustling busy sidewalk in the heart of Taipei, going back to work after running some errands.
I suddenly felt this incredible, uncontrollable urge to fall asleep- right then and there! “If I just sleep for one minute, I will feel so much better.” The next thing I know, I find myself sitting against a pillar;
I had blacked out.
I don’t know why and I don’t know how long I was there. I just remember the incredible urge to sleep for “just one minute”.
Later, it became needing more naps in the day to survive. I started having pains in the bottoms of my feet, in which I can only describe as feeling like
“walking on pingpong balls.”
Later, when my son was born, it grew into literally crawling because my feet hurt too much to walk to the crib. That was when I latched onto the idea of co-sleeping, because I couldn’t walk to his crib.
Once, I went to the doctor because my right wrist kept giving out when I would pick up my baby son. The doctor didn’t even examine my wrist, no x-rays… he told me I had “mother’s wrist” and that happens to women all the time after they have a baby.
I was young and didn’t know too many other mom’s of babies, so I trusted the doctor. He told me to find a wrist guard that had metal in it to keep my wrist from collapsing when I held my son. That turned into needing one on each wrist.
But, hey, “mother’s wrist” happens to everyone, right?
By the time my first two children were romping around at 7 years old and 2 years old, I was no longer able to get on the ground and play with them.
I was in so much pain, all I could think about was the pain.
Again, I would go to see a doctor and be told, “your labs are fine, see you in six months”. Six months turned into years.
Fast forward through two miscarriages, and stop at 35 years old. I asked my primary doctor to run tests for Rheumatoid Arthritis. He said I didn’t have it, but he pacified me with the labs. Low and behold, the tests showed positive for RA. I went to a rheumatologist and proceeded through a buffet of medications- pills, to weekly shots, to IV infusions. They would work for a month or so, and then, the pain and sleepless nights because of pain would return. After 2 1/2 years of this, I told the doctor I still hurt and the meds don’t seem to be helping.
The doctor told me very clearly, “these medications should be working. If they don’t, it is because the pain is in your head.”
That was the last time I saw that doctor, and so I managed on my own for another 14 years.
This story does have a happy (well…maybe more like a validating) ending. And this is why I decided to share my story. I have had so many clients come through my therapy doors telling me the same story.
“Doctors won’t listen.”
“My family is tired of my complaining about my pain.”
“I keep gaining weight because it hurts to much to move.”
“If I even exercise lightly one day, I spend the next 4 days hurting too much to get out of bed.”
It seems we are like a hamster on a wheel- and it’s exhausting.
What I’ve realized with the many women who have shared their story is that all these women (including myself) have felt alone in their unanswered medical issues. We don’t know anyone else who is experiencing this.
We sometimes begin to believe the doctor that it’s in our head.
We get used to being invalidated, and then, we begin to invalidate ourselves.
Does this sound familiar?
I have decided to share my journey in hopes that other women will be validated and encouraged. I’m not a famous blogger, and maybe only one person will read this, but if it helps the one person, I’m thrilled!
Stay tuned for future blogs related to my journey on my website, and send this blog to someone you know who might be hurting.
Women, let’s validate each other.
Key words: hurting in Decatur, #itsallinyourhead, #unansweredmedicalissues
